We are born into societal systems that expect our lives to play out in a certain way. This expectation is reflected in popular theoretical frameworks such as the family life cycle outlined by Evelyn Duvall (Family Life Cycle | EBSCO, n.d.). Through the lens of this theory, a cycle begins when a young adult leaves their home in search of independence, forms their own connection through marriage, has children and eventually watches them grow up before closing the loop of life.
Although theories may not always reflect reality, they are formed through identifying patterns based on observation. As a social species, humans often feel the pull to conform to these patterns, hoping to satisfy the intrinsic drive for connection and the sense of belonging. Yet over time, the individuation of human experiences have expanded. What was once the norm may no longer apply; although some truths from the mid-20th Century theory remain, its acceptance as a universal norm have reduced drastically.
This newer pattern can be seen in the decline of birth rates in Singapore and Worldwide (World Bank Open Data, n.d.). As awareness of such shifts grows, competing theories emerge to explain the phenomenon. Some emphasize the rise in single women (Tan, 2024), visible in movements such as the 4B campaign in South Korea (Ek, 2025). Others are driven by fears, such as Elon Musk’ s tweet about Singapore’s “extinction” (Soh, 2024). When viewed from a systemic perspective, such responses can be understood as efforts, conscious or not, to preserve familiar social patterns
Through this resistance, married couples may feel increasing pressure to conform. To be a part of the system that reverses the change. This pressure often echoes through the voice of distant yet nosy relatives during CNY, or slips into casual remarks such as, “Congratulations on your wedding! When is the baby coming?”. Yet through a personal lens, the decision of having a child or being childless, may simply reflect preference. For some, a child may symbolize fulfillment; to others, it may represent an additional responsibility to juggle. The key is that both paths are valid when chosen in alignment with one’s values and capacities
Who’s to say one choice is better than the other, when the justification makes the difference?
While some may be driven to create a better future for their child, others may expect a child to transform their reality and bring happiness or abundance. Yet research complicates this assumption; Nobel-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman found that the day-to-day experience of childcare may deliver less immediate emotional enjoyment than socializing, exercising or even doing chores (Kahneman & Krueger, 2006).
On the other hand, some individuals may anticipate challenges or constraints they do not feel prepared for and may simply acknowledge that they lack the emotional or financial capacity to fully support a child. Isn’t that justification coming from a considerate place? Caregiving for a child is not an easy task. It demands time, money, skills, emotional or mental efforts that are ongoing and never-ending. Some couples may be in a situation where they are unable to provide these factors.
Others may have the opportunity but are pulled toward different forms of fulfilment; having a pet, travelling, saving up or pursuing personal passions. Whether the choice arises from circumstances or preference, both decisions deserve respect. In support of this, a study discovered that childless individuals and parents have similar overall life satisfaction (Neal & Neal, 2021). Positive psychology further reinforces this, through Martin Seligman’s PERMA model; flourishing is grounded in positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishment (Hill et al., 2020). These dimensions are strongly linked with well-being and life satisfaction, even in the absence of children.
Making a choice that invites differing reactions is never easy. It requires accepting that judgements and assumptions from those who follow traditional patterns may persist. Which may be daunting given our innate need for belonging. Yet times have changed and patterns evolve from those who paved their own path. Perhaps an even greater fear is conforming when your values lie elsewhere. In the end, we’ve only got one chance at this life. Isn’t it more important to experience it on our own terms? By honoring personal values, people expand the space for pattern breakers. Bringing difference not only into awareness but into acceptance.
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References
Family Life Cycle | EBSCO. (n.d.). EBSCO Information Services, Inc. | http://www.ebsco.com. https://www.ebsco.com/research-starters/psychology/family-life-cycle#:~:text=The%20Family%20Life%20Cycle%20is,family%20size%20and%20children’s%20ages.
Ek, Bunly. (2025, January 18). The 4B movement and demographic issue in South Korea – NOVASia. NOVAsia. https://novasiagsis.com/the-4b-movement-and-demographic-issue-in-south-korea/
Hill, A., Autism Together, & Seligman, M. (2020). The PERMA model: a scientific theory of happiness. https://www.bild.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/The-PERMA-Model-Booklet-Update.pdf
Kahneman, D., & Krueger, A. B. (2006). Developments in the measurement of subjective well-being. The Journal of Economic Perspectives, 20, 3–24. https://kahneman.scholar.princeton.edu/sites/g/files/toruqf3831/files/kahneman/files/development_dk_abk_2006.pdf
Neal, J. W., & Neal, Z. P. (2021). Prevalence and characteristics of childfree adults in Michigan (USA). PLoS ONE, 16(6), e0252528. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0252528
Soh, T. (2024, December 17). Economists weigh in after Tesla CEO Elon Musk says Singapore is ‘going extinct’ amid low birth rate. The Business Times. https://www.businesstimes.com.sg/companies-markets/economists-weigh-after-tesla-ceo-elon-musk-says-singapore-going-extinct-amid-low-birth-rate
Tan, T. (2024, June 10). Rising share of singles is one main reason for Singapore’s great baby drought: Report. The Straits Times. https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/rising-share-of-singles-is-one-main-reason-for-singapore-s-great-baby-drought-report
World Bank Open Data. (n.d.). World Bank Open Data. https://data.worldbank.org/indicator/SP.DYN.TFRT.IN