In Singaporean households, Lunar New Year is not just a festive occasion but a deeply meaningful time for family reunions and the preservation of traditional customs. Central to these traditions is the expectation that younger generations demonstrate respect to their elders through meaningful engagement, such as engaging in small talk and showing interest in their lives.
The practice of encouraging younger individuals to speak respectfully to seniors during Lunar New Year celebrations is deeply rooted in Asian cultural values, particularly Confucian ideals of filial piety and respect for hierarchy (McGoldrick, Giordano, & Garcia-Preto, 2005; Zhang et al., 2021). These values emphasise the importance of maintaining familial harmony and upholding traditions that span across generations.
However, the expectation of engaging in small talk can sometimes lead to feelings of awkwardness or discomfort during conversations. This discomfort may arise from generational differences in communication styles or unfamiliarity with topics that resonate more with elders (Ota, McCann, & Honeycutt, 2012). Personal questions delving into sensitive or private matters can also contribute to this discomfort, making conversation feel forced or unnatural. Negative media portrayals of older adults – depicting them as bossy, meddlesome, or controlling – further exacerbate this issue, resulting in diminished intergenerational communication (Zhang et al., 2021).
Many of us can relate to quietly sitting through visitations, immersed in our phones to avoid interactions, and missing out on meaningful conversations. As we approach the upcoming Lunar New Year, it is important to consider how we can navigate these situations differently.
Look for common ground: Identify shared interests or topics that both younger and older generations can relate to, such as family history or favourite Lunar New Year traditions.
Ask open-ended questions: Instead of yes-or-no questions, consider using open-ended questions that encourage storytelling and sharing. For example, initiate a conversation by asking an elder, “Could you share your favourite Lunar New Year memory?” This approach can lead to more engaging and natural interactions.
Practise active listening: Show genuine interest by listening attentively to what elders have to say. This not only shows respect but also offers opportunities to learn about our cultural values and practices. You might even discover something new about your elders that you didn’t know before.
Use humour: Injecting humour can lighten the mood and relieve tension or awkward moments during conversations. Sharing light-hearted or funny family stories can help to create a positive atmosphere.
Respect boundaries: Be mindful of sensitive topics and avoid prying into personal matters. This helps create a comfortable space where everyone feels respected.
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References:
Mcgoldrick, M., Giordano, J., & Garcia-Preto, N. (2005). Ethnicity and family therapy (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.
Ota, H., McCann, R. M., & Honeycutt, J. M. (2012). Inter-Asian Variability in Intergenerational Communication. Human Communication Research, 38(2), 172–198. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1468-2958.2011.01422.x
Zhang, Y. B., Li, S., & Harwood, J. (2021). Grandparent–Grandchild Communication and Attitudes Toward Older Adults: Relational Solidarity and Shared Family Identity in China. International Journal of Communication, 15(0), 19. https://ijoc.org/index.php/ijoc/article/view/16239/3483