Whether we like it or not, social media is a huge part of our daily lives. For those of us, like me, who did not grow up with social media informing and influencing us at every turn, we can easily overlook or underestimate the profound effect it can have on people of all ages and stages. We have, hopefully, become more aware of the impact on children and teenagers but what about adults – specifically, mothers?
Motherhood is a role that we are thrown into with no prior experience and no handbook so it is only natural that we should seek out information and guidance wherever we can. When my children were babies my mother often reminded me how lucky I was to have access to so much information (mind you this was pre-social media so she was referring to the stack of books on my nightstand). In her new parent days she had only one book – Dr. Spock’s Baby and Childcare. But too much information is not always a good thing. Where once we would have turned to our mothers, aunts, grandmothers or friends we can now google or scroll through our social media feeds to get the answers we seek. Although this can be helpful it can also be overwhelming. The constant exposure to parenting content on social media presenting highly curated images of motherhood, can quickly make us feel inadequate or guilty or hold ourselves up to unrealistic expectations. It’s no wonder so many of us find ourselves anxiously wondering, Am I good enough?
Influencers, particularly “momfluencers” have become dominant voices in the digital parenting space. A 2022 study by Kirkpatrick & Lee (2022) found that new mothers were more likely to compare themselves to everyday mothers rather than idealized portrayals of motherhood. However, exposure to the idealized versions caused more harm, leading to higher levels of anxiety and envy. The idealized portrayal of motherhood isn’t new, but social media has amplified it, making perfection seem normal, desirable and even expected. Picture-perfect babies, outfits, nurseries and homes and seemingly effortless parenting moments flood our feeds. What we don’t see is the mess, the tantrums, sleepless nights, and moments of self-doubt that every mother experiences.
It’s not all bad news though – when used intentionally social media can have a positive impact and be a valuable resource. Here’s how:
● Emotional support – Online communities and support groups provide a space where mothers can connect, share experiences, and receive encouragement.
● Advice – Parenting tips, coping strategies, and expert insights, helping mothers feel more confident and prepared.
● Reducing isolation – New mothers, especially those without a strong in-person support system, can find companionship and solidarity online.
● Access to information – From sleep training to postpartum recovery, social media allows mothers to find resources anytime, day or night.
● Anonymity – Online discussions can provide a safe space for mothers to share struggles without fear of judgment (Moon et al., 2019).
Strike a healthy balance:
● Limit screen time – we hear this all the time but it really can be as simple as limiting how much time you spend consuming social media. Set time limits and limit your usage to specific times of day
● Scroll mindfully – be intentional with your social media usage. Are you using it to gain information
● Curate your feed – seek out and follow accounts that are realistic, supportive and/or informative rather than ones that are highly stylized and portray unrealistic, idealistic images of motherhood. If an account is making you feel bad about yourself it’s probably a good sign that you should unfollow.
● Avoid negative comparisons – remind yourself you’re not aiming for perfection (there’s no such thing), we are all human and no two parenting journeys are the same, what works for one family may not work for another
● Seek professional support – If social media is negatively impacting your mental health, don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional for guidance and support.
Social media can be a double edged sword for new mothers – it can provide information and support at a time when it’s most needed but can also lead to self doubt, anxiety, guilt and pressure to meet impossibly high, unrealistic expectations. By using social media mindfully and intentionally it is possible to take advantage of the benefits and limit the negative effect on your mental well being. Remember that you are good enough as you are and you don’t need social media to tell you that.
To meet with a professional psychologist or counsellor, call The Other Clinic at 8809 0659 or email us hello@theotherclinic.sg.
References:
Kirkpatrick, C. E., & Lee, S. (2022). Comparisons to picture-perfect motherhood: How Instagram’s idealized portrayals of motherhood affect new mothers’ well-being. Computers in Human Behavior, 137, 107417. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2022.107417
Mertens, E., Ye, G., Beuckels, E., & Hudders, L. (2024). Parenting Information on Social Media: Systematic Literature Review. JMIR Pediatrics and Parenting, 7, e55372. https://doi.org/10.2196/55372
Moon, R. Y., Mathews, A., Oden, R., & Carlin, R. (2019). Mothers’ Perceptions of the Internet and Social Media as Sources of Parenting and Health Information: Qualitative Study. Journal of Medical Internet Research, 21(7), e14289. https://doi.org/10.2196/14289
Research shows the toxic effect ‘momfluencers’ have on our mental health. (2022, September 13). Motherly. https://www.mother.ly/health-wellness/mental-health/momfluencers-and-mental-health-anxiety/ (N.d.).