Each year, October 15th marks a day for those affected by pregnancy and infant loss. A day to come together to honour and remember the babies they have lost and acknowledge their grief and provide support for each other. It also serves to bring attention to those who have experienced this very unique loss and the emotional and psychological difficulties they face.
Perinatal loss, defined as a loss during pregnancy, birth or in the first month of life, can have a profound and lasting impact on parents and their families.
Losing a baby encompasses much more than the loss of the baby; it is also the loss of the hopes and dreams the parents had. The trauma of perinatal loss at any stage can have a profound impact on the well being of the mother and can cause intense psychological distress. Research shows us that perinatal loss is associated with short and long term psychological effects such as depression, anxiety and post traumatic stress.
According to the World Health Organization (2024) “Women who lose a baby can go on to develop mental health issues that last for months or years – even when they have gone on to have healthy babies”.
Understanding more about the unique nature of this kind of loss and how it impacts women’s mental health and well being is vital when trying to provide support whether that be as a loved one, community or health professional.
Beyond the natural process of grieving it is important to explore the myriad of complicated emotions that surround the loss. Stigma and feelings of shame and guilt around pregnancy loss are all too common which often cause families to grieve in silence, alone. Grief can cause a strain on relationships with partners, families and friends. The unique nature of this loss and differences in the way individuals grieve is not always understood by others which can further contribute to feeling alone in your pain. Finding ways to cope with loss can be helpful, here are some ways:
Professional Support
Seek out the services of mental health professionals. Counselling can reduce the symptoms of anxiety, depression and stress in bereaved mothers after a pregnancy loss. And sometimes just being able to talk in a safe, non-judgmental space about what you are experiencing and going through can be helpful.
Self-Care
Make sure you are taking care of your basic physical needs i.e. ensure you are getting adequate sleep, eating well (even though you may not feel like it) and light exercise (even if it’s only a short walk). Self-care is an important part of the healing process
Social Support (Community/Family)
Connecting with others, particularly support groups (either in person or online) can provide a sense of community and understanding. It can be a comfort to be with those who have faced similar challenges. In Singapore, Child Bereavement Support (Singapore) can be a good place to start.
Honour the memory
Finding ways to pay tribute to your child can be very meaningful. Some ways to do this:
- Light a candle
- Participate in Moments of Silence
- Share your story – this can be helpful to your own healing process as well as providing support and comfort to others who share a similar experience.
- Participate in local events or even online gatherings if there isn’t an event in your area
- Offer support – to those who have experienced loss.
- Contribute to organisations that provide support services and counselling to those affected.
If you know someone who has experienced a loss it can be hard to know how to comfort or support them. Here are some things to consider:
Offer Support
- Be present and listen – sounds simple but is so important.
- Acknowledge the loss – use simple statements such as “I am so sorry for your loss”. Try to avoid offering reasons or solutions.
Be mindful of language
Avoid saying things like “everything happens for a reason” or “at least you know you can get pregnant” – you may mean well but these kinds of statements can feel invalidating, dismissive and unhelpful.
Respect their grief
Everyone grieves differently, some may want to be alone, some may want to share their grief and talk about their loss. Continue to be patient and supportive and meet them where they are.
Check In
Checking in with them periodically to see how they are and offer your continued support. It just lets them know you are thinking of them and are there if they need you.
Helping them seek help
If they are open to it, suggesting and even helping them to find professional support or directing them to support groups and resources may be much appreciated especially at a time they may not have the emotional capacity to do this themselves.
To meet with a professional psychologist or counsellor, call The Other Clinic at 8809 0659 or email us hello@theotherclinic.sg.
References
Jaffe, J. (2014). The Reproductive Story: Dealing with Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Other Perinatal Demise. In D. L. Barnes (Ed.), Women’s Reproductive Mental Health Across the Lifespan (pp. 159–176). Springer International Publishing. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-05116-1_9
Herbert, D., Young, K., Pietrusińska, M., & MacBeth, A. (2022). The mental health impact of perinatal loss: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Affective Disorders, 297, 118–129. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2021.10.026
Welcome to Remembering our Babies, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness. (n.d.). Retrieved 1 August 2024, from https://www.october15th.com/
Why we need to talk about losing a baby. (n.d.). Retrieved 1 August 2024, from https://www.who.int/news-room/spotlight/why-we-need-to-talk-about-losing-a-baby