Last year, I had to say a final goodbye to my loyal dog companion, Miles. He was 14 years old (I logically know a good innings) but his end came fast. I found myself grieving intensely, devastated feelings of grief and sadness dominate. A guilty feeling that “He’s just a dog, not a human”; I shouldn’t have been feeling like this. I know I shared an intense bond with him; he was a companion and a family member. This dog had laid witness to the birth of 4 children, he had emigrated too.
In many ways, Miles had the ideal death, if there is such a thing. He had a critical illness that hadn’t made him suffer until the last few days, he was able to return home, be surrounded by loved ones and painlessly euthanised whilst stroked and spoken to by family. Why did it hurt so much?
Miles wasn’t my first pet loss but he certainly has an impact on us all. My husband was experiencing compounded loss as his father passed away in September, my kids only have memories of this dog being around so they were in shock, scared, sad and watching the adults closely. My 83-year-old mother owns Miles’ sister, so the loss for her was a heavy reminder that soon she will face the loss of her dog. I think about the impact that will have on her and I feel worried. Her dog gets her out for exercise daily, gives her social contact on walks, creates routine for her and is great company and comfort. On a more fundamental level we are all reminded of our own mortality.
So I thought I would study a bit about pet loss?
Questions I had included:
- Am I a bit weak?
- Do I have misplaced feelings?
- I set out to understand this bond between humans and their pets.
Tips
Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel. Your grief is unique to you, you don’t need to be told to move on or get over it. Feel what you feel and let go of embarrassment or the judgement of others. It’s ok to cry, or not cry, to be angry or sad, even to find joy. Trying to push away or ignore feelings leaves a bottled up feeling which can be harder. Write, talk, express if you can. Give yourself permission to express grief.
Find support from others who have lost a pet; this can help you feel understood. Sometimes the support may come from outside of your normal circle of friends or family.
Rituals or legacy can help – it’s ok to have a funeral or ceremony, to plant something or make a photo board. Remembering the happy times with your pet can help.
Self-care is important – your energy and emotional reserves can get depleted for the loss. Pay attention to both your physical and emotional health. Eat good food, rest well, and exercise for a boost. Try to have some human face to face company.
Contact us for support if the grief is persistent or interferes with your ability to function.
To meet with a professional psychologist or counsellor, call The Other Clinic at 8809 0659 or email us hello@theotherclinic.sg.