Chinese New Year (CNY), also known as the Lunar New Year or Spring Festival, is one of the most prominent events in Chinese culture, being celebrated widely across countries and ethnic groups. It signifies the beginning of a brand new year on the Chinese calendar, as well as the blooming of spring. Despite its marking of fresh starts and new beginnings, CNY is typically commemorated by age-old traditions and customs, such as “KonMari”-ing and adorning the house with reds, golds, yellows, oranges, decking out in fancy new outfits, giving out (and also receiving) red packets… and not forgetting, the much awaited highly anticipated reunion dinners on the eve, considered the opportune time for annual family general meetings to be held, while being accompanied by hearty feasts of food, and often passionate recitations of blessings during the “prosperity toss”.
In an ideal world, such traditions and customs would foster in families a great and renewed sense of joy, comfort, gratitude, harmony, connection, fortune and liveliness. However, the reality is that for a good number of families out there, the new year may still be fraught with old habits, wounds and scars which can jeopardize the CNY spirit of reunion.
The Lunar Reds and Oranges: The CNY “Holiday Blues”
What are these Lunar “reds and oranges”? (Hint: Inside Out 1 and 2)
Traditionally, these colours are regarded to be auspicious because they are believed to help ward off evil spirits (for colour red) or because of its physical and linguistic resemblance to good fortune (for colour orange) – it is no wonder why we see Chinatowns and Chinese homes brimming with them. Yet somehow, adorning ourselves and our environments with these colours is not sufficient to chase away the frustrations, stresses and anxieties that we may experience during CNY, which are reminiscent of the holiday blues that strike during year end.
Specific to CNY, common struggles faced include:
Preparation Process
CNY celebrations are not just a whole month worth of affairs. In fact, it lasts 15-16 days, with the busiest period often being on the eve and its first 2-3 days. However, the process of preparing for these celebrations can itself take a month or even longer, given the long to-do lists of chores such as spring cleaning and decluttering our homes, shopping for decorations, food, outfits, household necessities, coordinating and planning house visits to relatives’ and/or friends’… or even exchanging for new notes at the bank, preparing red packets… the list seems endless.
Fulfilling these responsibilities may not look like significant issues to many of us who have grown accustomed to such routines during the CNY period. However, this does not mean the process is any less pressurising, especially with additional related stressors piling up on our (China) plates like braving the CNY queues and crowds, or attacking display racks during deals/sales, even worries over finances. The “kiasu”, or “afraid to lose” mentality particularly here in Singapore can further add fuel to our fires.
Social Settings
No CNY celebrations are complete without social gatherings. While these can be rejuvenating for many as opportunities for connections old and new, for many others who are averse or avoidant of social interactions, these gatherings can feel like a mine (or mind) field.
Some underlying push factors include:
1. Social anxiety concerns, which generally entail an extreme and intense fear of being judged or seen by others.
2. Being the subject of elders’ social comparison for anything under the sun, which can range from jobs, salary, education, wealth/social status, love life, children’s achievements and “failures”, to even the extent of hardship/suffering or hard work. This comparison can happen within (e.g., you vs siblings, or cousins) or between generations (e.g., young vs old).
3. Social pressure, whereby we feel compelled to participate in seemingly harmless “vices” like social drinking, gambling, or respond to intrusive and insensitive comments/questions. Notably, this also entails the pressure to conform to Chinese cultural standards and norms, such as wearing completely new clothes (instead of reusing old ones), staying up late, having to deposit money in the bank at very specific times, not being allowed to clean the house or wash one’s hair or clothes, not being allowed to cry and many more. These are imperatives that serve important purposes in Chinese culture, but when followed too strictly and rigidly, can end up impinging on our routines or wellbeing, especially if they are dated and less applicable in the modern day and age.
Body Image & Eating
As with all cultures, food is not only lifeblood for our bodies, it is also the sticky rice glue that bonds families that keeps traditions and customs alive. Despite its cultural significance, it can also be a struggle point for people facing concerns/disorders related to eating and physical appearance. Often, they may get distressed eating outside of/beyond regular meal patterns (overly excessive or restrictive – in terms of portions, food groups, time of day, frequency, duration), or even by mere exposure to trigger foods.
Additionally, conversations around weight, physical appearance or food can elicit a huge sense of discomfort for some people. These can look something like:
• Weight: “Looks like you’ve put on some weight” or “Wow you look better with some weight lost”
• Physical appearance: “You look chubbier now, how?” or “Your arms and legs are skinnier than before, I’m so jealous!”
• Food: “Don’t think you should be eating that” or “Come on, one piece won’t kill you”
Fitting into Society’s Cookie Mould
When picturing the perfect CNY celebration, what comes to mind?
Us revelling in connecting with our strong-knit family both blood (in nuclear form) and chosen, through a packed itinerary of visits and celebrations filled with CNY tunes and sounds in the air, and hearty feasts and conversations…
That is the model cookie mould society dictates to make the perfect CNY, and is often reinforced on our media platforms or social media feeds.
However, not all families fit into this mould, as they may be functioning on nontraditional/alternative structures (e.g., divorced/separated parents, single parent, same-sex parents, polygamous marriage), or experiencing estranged/dysfunctional relationships that coming together is an uphill, almost impossible task. Furthermore, families dealing with grief due to the loss of a loved one, or even past traditions, may find it difficult to soak in the celebratory mood.
There are also individuals with sensory processing differences which can make celebrating CNY a more difficult experience than for most other people, especially for the neurodivergent population (including people with ASD and ADHD) who struggle with hypersensitivity or hyposensitivity of body senses. This is such that customary activities like the lion/dragon dances, CNY concerts, prosperity toss etc., and things like CNY clothes, certain food textures, decorations etc. that often excite many of us (or find to be more mundane) can even serve as additional stressors.
Some Notes on the Lunar Reds and Oranges
The above list provides just some examples of struggles that people who celebrate CNY commonly face and is non-exhaustive.
Issues can intertwine too, which further complicates the difficulties faced during this period.
These issues may seem disparate on the surface, but they share common themes. Primarily, they often entail unrealistic and rigid expectations, rules or core beliefs that we hold about ourselves, others and the world.
Furthermore, these sets of attitudes, mindsets and practices would likely also differ across generations, which is why navigating intergenerational relationships between the younger and older generations can be a frequent source of frustration for many of us, regardless of age. Knowing these issues and their underlying themes would be beneficial in allowing us to better cope during CNY. For tips, keep your eyes peeled for the next part, like the mandarin oranges in season which we can’t wait to devour.
– Written by Esis Quek, Assistant Psychologist by day and jaded Chinese Singaporean female by blood
To meet with a professional psychologist or counsellor, call The Other Clinic at 8809 0659 or email us hello@theotherclinic.sg.
References
Singapore Psychological Society. (2022, January 28). Body Image Concerns and Eating Disorders during CNY (Part II). Facebook.
Tan, A. (2020, January 24). Commentary: Why is Chinese New Year so stress inducing?. Channel NewsAsia (CNA) | Commentary. https://www.channelnewsasia.com/commentary/chinese-new-year-tips-how-to-cope-relatives-questions-married-786266
Tan, T. (2018, February 7). Commentary: Chinese New Year Brings Stress, loneliness and sorrow to some seniors. Channel NewsAsia (CNA) | Commentary. https://www.channelnewsasia.com/commentary/chinese-new-year-seniors-elderly-stress-loneliness-sorrow-family-2046211