In my early years as a Speech and Language Therapist, I often supported young clients whose parents came with the hope of “getting them to talk”, or to “talk more”. As I started to support older school-aged clients, I’ve had many other parents tell me their child doesn’t need Speech and Language Therapy because they “can talk very well”.
Speech and Language Therapists are often posited to be the experts in communication. But is communication really just about talking? If we consider the goal of communication to convey a message or idea to another, then talking – or words – are definitely important. It is also the most tangible and measurable form of communication. That’s probably why many milestone charts detail the number of words your baby says by X months old, or why many medical practitioners often ask “is your baby talking?”
Yet why is it then, that there are so many people who have amazing verbal capacities, yet struggle to maintain friendships and relationships, work in groups, or even excel in their jobs? Why is it that every single person would know of or have heard of someone with “low EQ”? The more people I meet and interact with both within and outside of work, the more glaring it becomes that the role of non-verbal communication is sorely overlooked, at least in our society today.
Ever met the person who goes on and on with their story, and doesn’t realize the increasingly confused or disinterested look on your face? Or one who continues to stand uncomfortably close, oblivious to your subtle attempts to lean away? There’s also the little one who says he didn’t eat the last piece of chocolate with a cheeky smile plastered across his face. On the flip side, you may have come across this friend or co-worker who seems to know something is amiss even though you say “everything is fine”.
The key? – non-verbal communication cues. How does it work? A simple way to look at it would be Social Thinking’s Social Competency Model, which breaks down all social interaction in to 4 steps:
1. Social Attention – attending to / picking up the relevant information
2. Social Interpretation – making sense of the information
3. Problem Solving – weighing the options and deciding what to do about or in response to the information
4. Social Responses (Overt) – what we do in the end
Based on the above, if we only attend to and pick up information based on what we hear, our interpretation of the other’s message will likely be skewed, we will then plan and execute our response based on that skewed interpretation, which will often appear as inappropriate for the situation or context.
In 1972, famous psychologist Dr. Albert Mehrabian published an article with the now famous statistic that communication is 7% words and 93% non-verbal – the latter consisting of 55% body language and 38% tone of voice. While there have been many subsequent debates regarding the exact percentages each type of communication holds, the one thing that has been consistently agreed upon is that the message communicated through non-verbal cues trumps the verbal. In fact, Bull & Frederikson (1994) and Phutela (2015) have found that when verbal expressions conflict with the non-verbal, individuals often rely on the latter as the more reliable indicator of the messenger’s true meaning. Research has repeatedly shown the importance of non-verbal communication in education and classroom management (Okon, 2011; Zeki, 2009), organizational success (Ibrahim et al., 2022) and social interactions (Gifford, 2010; Guerrero & Floyd, 2006; Noller, 2006).
The goal of communication is to effectively convey a message or idea to another and much of that is reliant on non-verbal cues. So then, it remains a big frustration (for me at least) why society and many professionals invested in child development continue to focus disproportionately on verbal output and talking, while such little emphasis is placed on supporting the development of non-verbal skills; Why a child who isn’t talking is often flagged and referred for support as early as 1+ years old, yet many individuals who struggle with non-verbal communication fall through the cracks until they are significantly older – in primary school, adolescence or even at young adulthood.
There is so much to be done to develop greater awareness of the importance of non-verbal communication to overall success both socially and academically or in the workplace. Whether you’re a parent or a professional, I hope that this short blurb has planted a small seed somewhere in the back of your mind, such that the next time you see an individual who may have “poor social skills” or “low EQ”, you’d be slightly more aware of the possible reason behind their struggles! And if you’re seeking support for such an individual, it’s definitely worth reaching out to a Speech and Language Therapist who specializes in social communication
To meet with a professional psychologist or counsellor, call The Other Clinic at 8809 0659 or email us hello@theotherclinic.sg.
References:
• Bull, P., & Frederikson, L. (2019). Non-verbal communication. In Companion encyclopedia of psychology (pp. 852-872). Routledge.
• Garcia Winner, M. (2023). The Social Thinking–Social Competency Model (ST-SCM). Think Social Publishing, Inc. https://www.socialthinking.com/articles/social-thinking-social-competency-model
• Gifford, R. (2010). The role of nonverbal communication in interpersonal relations. Handbook of interpersonal psychology: Theory, research, assessment, and therapeutic interventions, 171-190.
• Guerrero, L. K., & Floyd, K. (2006). Nonverbal communication in close relationships. Routledge.
• Ibrahim, N. A. N., Abdul Rani, N. S., Jamri, M. H., Bakar, M. H., Abdul Wahab, S., Mahbob, M. H., & Kahar, N. (2022). The importance of non-verbal communication in organizations. International Journal of Academic Research in Business and Social Sciences, 12(6), 1841-1851.
Mehrabian, A. (1972). Nonverbal Communication. New Brunswick: Aldine Transaction.
• Noller, P. (2006). Nonverbal Communication in Close Relationships.
• Okon, J. J. (2011). Role of non-verbal communication in education. Mediterranean Journal of Social Sciences, 2(5), 35-40.
• Phutela, D. (2015). The importance of non-verbal communication. IUP Journal of Soft Skills, 9(4), 43.
• Zeki, C. P. (2009). The importance of non-verbal communication in classroom management. Procedia-Social and behavioral sciences, 1(1), 1443-1449