I remember getting a small anonymous gift in the post during the COVID-19 lockdown, and for days, I tried to deduce who had sent it to me. It turns out a friend had won something for being a loyal customer and had decided to give it to me. This random act of kindness made me feel appreciated, cared for and better connected to her. Can you remember when someone was kind to you or you were to them? Kindness pops up in many ways: offering to help with something, sharing your knowledge, lending or buying someone something, or simply giving your time and attention without judgement when needed.
Can kindness make you happy, and happiness make you kind?
Kindness has many benefits both for us and for others. Research by Hui et al. (2020) tells us that it strengthens our connections, improves our well-being, and makes us feel good about ourselves. When you perform acts of kindness, you release feel-good chemicals such as oxytocin during social bonding, which reduces stress, helps to boost your immune system, lower your blood pressure, and improves your health, making you feel happier. When you are kind to others, it makes them feel safe, and there is a ripple effect; it inspires others to be kind and creates a positive atmosphere.
The happier you are the more likely that you will be kind to others. It may feel challenging sometimes to practise kindness, especially when you may be your worst critic and give yourself negative self-talk. The key at times like this is to practise self-compassion; the more self-compassionate you can be, the easier it is to feel empathy and kindness to others. A recent study by Lathan & Dritschel (2023) concluded that when people with a history of depression participated in a loving-kindness meditation, it improved their memory recall.
What can you do to choose kindness?
‘The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the greatest intention’ – Khalil Gabran
Tips that can help you to choose kindness include remembering your manners, these are things engrained from a young age; smile and be polite, acknowledge someone for their efforts, give compliments where deserved. Try to be patient not to jump to negative conclusions if something doesn’t go to plan. Sometimes you end up saying things in an impolite way or talking down to someone; if this happens, apologise; after all a little bit of kindness goes a long way! Visit the ‘random acts of kindness’ foundation website for more information and ideas on what you can do to choose kindness. Remember after all that kindness is contagious and serves a benefit to both you , others and society at large.
- Written by Claire Haberer
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References
Aldohappy. (2023). 30 Ways To Be Kind In 2023 (aldohappy.com)
Hui, B. P. H., Ng, J. C. K., Berzaghi, E., Cunningham-Amos, L. A., & Kogan, A. (2020). Rewards of kindness? A meta-analysis of the link between prosociality and well-being. Psychological Bulletin, 146(12), 1084–1116. https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000298
Lathan, A., Dritschel, B. (2023). Increasing autobiographical memory specificity: Using kindness meditation to impact features of memory retrieval. School of Psychology and Neuroscience, University of St Andrews.
Psychreg .(2022). Why Kindness Matters: The Importance of Being Kind | Psychreg
Random acts of kindness foundation. https://www.randomactsofkindness.org/kindness-ideas