Do any of these sound familiar to you? Why? Because we are told that we are not allowed to feel this way. 

The reason why these phrases may sound familiar is because they reflect societal expectations and cultural norms that often discourage people from showing vulnerability or weakness. Many people feel pressure to always appear strong or showing that everything is in good control. Most people may even feel ashamed or embarrassed if they struggle or need help. This can create a culture of silence and stigma around mental health and well-being, as well as prevent individuals from seeking the support they need.

The pressure to always appear strong and capable is found in families from many different backgrounds and cultures. If these pressures are left unattended, it is crucial for us to realise that these factors can lead to a range of negative consequences for our mental and emotional well-being.

What could potentially happen?

We may feel the increased stress and anxiety.

By constantly trying to appear strong and capable can be incredibly stressful and anxiety-provoking, which could lead to feelings of overwhelm or anxiety.

We may feel down and isolated.

If we feel like we are not able to share our struggles with others, we may become isolated and withdraw from social interactions. 

Our physical health may become a concern.

We may have thought that stress and anxiety are unrelated to our physical well-being. However, chronic stress and anxiety can also lead to physical health problems such as high blood pressure, heart disease, etc.

Relationship or trusting problems could happen.

If we are not able to be vulnerable and share our struggles with others, it can lead to problems in our relationships. We may have difficulty trusting others, or we may feel like we have to keep up a facade in our relationships.

Recognising the pressures and taking steps to break these thoughts is crucial – in order to promote our own well-being and build stronger connections with others. It is okay to not always have it all together.

Let’s talk about how we can work on breaking these.

What can we do ourselves?

We can recognise the pressure and challenge the negative thoughts.

As we may also have negative thoughts about ourselves and our abilities, ask ourselves if they are truly accurate or if they are just based on unrealistic expectations. Remind ourselves that it is okay to struggle and that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

We can engage in self-care practices.

It is essential and crucial for us to take care of our mental and emotional well-being. It is up to us to prioritise it. After all, who else will take care of our well-being if not ourselves? Getting adequate exercise, having enough sleep, eating a balanced diet, engaging in creative activities, or spending time with loved ones are some of the things we could take good care of. Be kind with ourselves when we are struggling, feeling vulnerable or when we have feelings of shame or self-doubt. Treat ourselves with the same care and understanding that we would offer to a friend in need, acknowledge our struggles and offer ourselves support and encouragement.

We can always share our struggles or seek support.

Don’t be afraid to reach out for help when we need it. Of course, this involves talking to a trusted friend or family member, seeking support from a mental health professional, or connecting with a support group. By doing this, we may potentially reduce the feelings of isolation and shame, and provide us with new perspectives and tools for coping.

We should start addressing messages about vulnerability and emotional expression from home because the family is typically where children first learn about societal norms and values. If children are repeatedly taught that certain emotions are weak or unacceptable to express, they may internalise those messages and struggle with mental health issues in the future.

As a parent or a caregiver, how can we begin from home?

We can allow and encourage open communication.

Creating a safe and supportive environment where your child feels comfortable talking about their feelings and struggles is an important step. Encourage your child to express their emotions and let them know that it’s okay to feel vulnerable or to ask for help or share what they are feeling.

We can help to validate their feelings.

Acknowledge and accept the emotions they are experiencing as real and understandable, even if we may not agree with them or feel the same way. It is about showing empathy and compassion towards their emotional state. When your child shares their struggles with you, it’s important to validate their feelings and let them know that what they’re experiencing is normal and okay. 

We can encourage independence in our children.

Giving your child opportunities to make decisions and take responsibility for their own actions which can help them a sense of autonomy and taking ownership of their own actions. By allowing your child to take their own responsibility can help them feel more confident and capable when faced with difficult situations.

We should celebrate mistakes and failures.

Instead of focusing solely on achievements, celebrate your child’s mistakes and failures as opportunities for learning. As a parent or caregiver, it is never easy to watch your child’s mistakes or failure. However, allowing your child to make mistakes or fail could contribute a great effect on the child’s development. This may help them to reduce the pressure to always appear perfect, encourage a growth mindset and raise their confidence.

We should never set unrealistic goals or expectations on our children.

Be mindful of the expectations we set for our child, and make sure they are realistic and achievable. Giving them unrealistic goals may increase the feelings of stress. Allowing your child to focus on their own individual strengths and abilities is important – in order to reduce the factors for being overwhelmed. 

Dismissing their child’s emotional struggles as insignificant or unwarranted can possibly make the child feel invalidated and unsupported. Accepting the vulnerability can be scary, but it’s also an opportunity for growth and connection. Try practising vulnerability in small ways, such as sharing your feelings with a friend or trying something new.

Remember, seeking help and support is a sign of strength, not weakness. By taking care of ourselves, prioritising our mental and emotional well-being, we can build a happier, more fulfilling life for ourselves and those around us. By taking these steps, we can build stronger connections with others. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help when you need it!

To meet with a professional psychologist or counsellor, call The Other Clinic at 8809 0659 or email us hello@theotherclinic.sg.

Other sources:

1. Why It’s Healthy for Men to Cry
2. Fears for tears: Why do we tell boys not to cry?
3. “Boys Don’t Cry” — how stereotypes of masculinity harm boys and men