As children, making friends often seemed effortless and natural. Sitting next to someone in class, bonding over a game, or chasing around the playground, could easily spark a connection. At that age, friendships weren’t burdened by the complexities of life. However, as we transition into adulthood, forming and maintaining friendships can become more effortful. With demanding schedules, shifting priorities, and the challenges of modern life, adult friendships require intentional effort and understanding. But they are just as essential, offering support, joy, and a sense of belonging.
Friendships in adulthood play a critical role in our mental and emotional well-being. As we navigate the complexities of adult life – balancing work, family, and personal responsibilities – the importance of meaningful relationships becomes even more evident. Research shows that adult friendship is positively correlated with wellbeing (i.e. experiencing positive emotions, engagement, positive relationships, sense of meaning in life, and accomplishments) [1]. Close friendships also contribute to better health outcomes in multiple ways, including lowering blood pressure, reducing risk of chronic diseases such as heart disease and diabetes, reducing risk of depression, and improving life satisfaction and expectancy [2]. Whether it’s sharing laughter, leaning on each other during tough times, or simply enjoying the companionship of someone who understands, friendships are a powerful source of well-being.
While childhood and adolescent friendships often form naturally, adult friendships tend to be more intentional. In adulthood, we choose friends based on shared values, mutual understanding, and a genuine desire to be part of each other’s lives. This makes these relationships unique and special — they’re chosen bonds, built on trust, respect, and shared experiences. Unlike earlier stages of life, where proximity or circumstance often dictated relationships, adult friendships are based on conscious decisions. This makes them special – they’re your chosen bonds and your chosen family.
Despite their rewards, adult friendships come with their own set of challenges. Friendships that were once close can slowly fade away, and forming new ones may feel daunting. Time constraints, such as careers, family obligations, and personal responsibilities, often make finding time for friends feel like a luxury. Geographical distance, whether due to moving for work, school, or family, can separate close friends, making it harder to maintain relationships. Additionally, changing priorities during different life stages – such as marriage, parenthood, or retirement – may shift focus away from friendships. Social barriers like fear of rejection, self-doubt, or simply not knowing where to meet new people can further hinder efforts to form or sustain connections.
Here are some practical tips to build and maintain adult friendships:
• Prioritize time for friends – schedule regular check-ins, plan meet-ups, and stay in touch, even if it’s just a quick text or call.
• Join groups or activities – shared interests provide a natural foundation for friendships. Whether it’s joining a sports team, taking a class, or volunteering, engaging in activities you enjoy creates opportunities to meet like-minded people.
• Rekindle old friendships – reach out to friends you’ve lost touch with. Sometimes a simple “thinking of you” message can reignite a meaningful connection.
• Be forgiving and flexible – life is unpredictable, and adult friendships often require patience and accommodation. Forgive missed plans or periods of distance, and focus on maintaining the connection when it matters most.
In a world where isolation and disconnection are increasingly common, investing in friendships is a powerful act of self-care and love. So, reach out to an old friend, say yes to that coffee date, or join a new group. Because while life may change, the need for genuine human connection remains constant.
To meet with a professional psychologist or counsellor, call The Other Clinic at 8809 0659 or email us hello@theotherclinic.sg.
References:
[1] Pezirkianidis, C., Galanaki, E., Raftopoulou, G., Moraitou, D., & Stalikas, A. (2023). Adult friendship and wellbeing: A systematic review with practical implications. Frontiers in psychology, 14, 1059057.
[2] Choi, K. W., Stein, M. B., Nishimi, K. M., Ge, T., Coleman, J. R. I., Chen, C.-Y., … Smoller, J. W. (2020). An Exposure-Wide and Mendelian Randomization Approach to Identifying Modifiable Factors for the Prevention of Depression. American Journal of Psychiatry, 177(10), 944–954.