Back in the 90s, to my naive mind it felt like you were allowed to be a single parent only if you had faced the heartbreak of a deceased loved one. However, choosing to be a single parent or being an unmarried young mother or a divorced parent, all seemed to carry a negative stigma. Changing times and cultural mindsets have helped create a more inclusive dynamic but stereotypes of the single parent home as ‘lesser’ persist.
In Singapore, the number of single parents (on record) has steadily risen over the decades. Roughly 24 million, or one-third of all American children under age 18, are living with an unmarried parent, according to a 2018 Pew Research Center analysis of US Census Bureau data. And 81% of those single parent homes are headed by a mom. In general, in countries like the US, UK, India and Singapore, mothers tend to be the chosen single parent when a marriage breaks down, gaining primary care and control of their children and in many cases, full financial responsibility as well.
A 2017 study of adults from single and dual parent families looked at the long-term effects of single parenthood on kids and found that it had nearly no impact on their general life satisfaction. The factor that drove any gap in satisfaction seemed to be the difference in socio-economic status derived from a dual income household versus a single income one.
There is a predominance of articles expounding on the disadvantages of a single parent household, so I would like to explore the positives of this arrangement, without worrying about how the arrangement itself came to be (i.e. divorce, death, etc.).
Strong Parent-Child Bond Single parents can have a closer and more direct relationship with their children because they spend more one-on-one time together. This can foster stronger emotional bonds and communication. Because there will inevitably be tough questions like,“How come my family is different from my friends’?”, single parents have to tackle difficult topics with honesty and openness. Thus, their children may take on more emotional maturity at a younger age, which can help build maturity, empathy, and self-reliance. Where the child may not feel ready, the parent can also model how they navigate their own circumstances, allowing the child to learn from their example and to feel less alone in their circumstances.
Independence and Empowerment Single parents have the ability to make decisions independently, which can lead to a greater sense of control and empowerment. They don’t have to navigate disagreements with a partner, allowing them to implement their own parenting strategies. As such, single parents often model independence and problem-solving for their children.
Flexibility and Freedom In a similar vein, with only one parent making decisions, there may be less conflict and more consistency in rules and routines. Children may benefit from a stable environment without the tension that can sometimes exist in two-parent homes. If the single-parent household formed after separation or divorce, children may be shielded from conflict or dysfunction that might have existed between parents. The absence of conflict in the home can lead to a calmer and more peaceful environment for children to thrive. Single-parent families often have more flexibility to adapt and change family routines and dynamics without needing to compromise with a partner.
Positive Role Modeling In some cases, children in single-parent homes may see their parent perform both traditionally masculine and feminine roles (e.g., mother doing the “dad” jobs or father handling the “mom” responsibilities). This can promote a broader view of gender roles and responsibilities and create positive relationship behaviours when these children become adults (and their own relationships). Single parents often have to become adept at managing their finances, which can teach children the importance of budgeting, saving, and financial planning from a young age. Resourcefulness is also a key skill in single-parent households, fostering creativity and problem-solving skills.
Strong Sense of Community The common adage is ‘it takes a village.’ Single parents often build strong support networks, relying on extended family, friends, or community groups for help. These external relationships can enhance a child’s socialization and sense of security. Where extended family is not present, external social structures are also accessible – for example children in single-parent homes may become more involved in community activities, friendships, or extracurricular programs, broadening their support systems.
And finally, single parents often experience personal growth through their experience. It takes grit and steel to manoeuvre within a society that is not built for your personal circumstances. Single parents are often motivated by their purpose to raise their children well; this can give their lives a sense of direction, motivation and fulfilment. The wealth of learning that comes with parenthood hits single parents with more intensity as they have to cover all bases on their own; while this can be extremely challenging, being able to manage through and create a positive impact is hugely satisfying as well.
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References
Chavda, K., & Nisarga, V. (2023). Single Parenting: Impact on Child’s Development. Journal of Indian Association for Child and Adolescent Mental Health, 19(1), 14–20. https://doi.org/10.1177/09731342231179017
Let us now praise single moms, 8 Aug 2023, CNN Health, https://edition.cnn.com/2023/05/14/health/single-mom-parenting-wellness/index.html
Richter, D., & Lemola, S. (2017). Growing up with a single mother and life satisfaction in adulthood: A test of mediating and moderating factors. PLoS ONE, 12(6), e0179639. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0179639
More childcare leave, help for single mothers among MPs’ suggestions for more family-friendly S’pore, 25 Nov 2024, The Straits Times Online