In a world where our children are bombarded with messages about how they should look, we can help mitigate these messages so they grow up feeling comfortable in their own skin. Parents, teachers, coaches and family members all play a role in forming a young person’s body image and at times this can have a harmful impact despite that not being the intention.
Here are some common things that we might say that can impact a young person’s body image and what to do/say instead:
Mistake 1: Making Comments About Weight or Appearance
What Happens:
Parents might make offhand remarks about their teen’s weight or physical appearance, even with good intentions. Comments like “Maybe a bit of make-up will help” or “You’d look better if you lost some weight” can subtly suggest that their worth is tied to their physical appearance.
The Impact:
Teens are highly sensitive to social feedback, and comments like these can increase body dissatisfaction and promote unhealthy dieting behaviours. It can also foster a sense of inadequacy, as teens might feel they are being evaluated based on their looks rather than their inner qualities.
What Parents Can Do Differently:
Focus on non-appearance-based compliments and praise effort rather than outcomes. For example, say “I love your sense of humour!” or “I admire your creativity.” Help teens develop a sense of self-worth that is based on internal qualities like kindness, intelligence, or perseverance. Avoid making weight or appearance-related comments, even in a joking or casual manner, and instead promote the importance of health and self-care.
Mistake 2: Comparing to Others
What Happens:
Comparisons are often made between a teen and others—be it siblings, friends or celebrities. For instance, “Why can’t you be more like Liam, he looks after himself” or “You could look like that model if you lost a bit of weight.”
The Impact:
Such comparisons can foster feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. Adolescence is a time when teens are already developing their sense of identity, and being compared to others can lead to confusion and low self-esteem.
What Parents Can Do Differently:
Encourage teens to embrace their unique qualities and strengths. Instead of comparing them to others, help them develop a sense of self-respect and appreciation for them as an individual. Encourage them to focus on their personal goals, talents, and what makes them feel confident in their own skin, rather than how they measure up to someone else.
Mistake 3: Focusing Too Much on Dieting or Exercising for Appearance
What Happens:
When parents overly focus on dieting or exercise as a means to change physical appearance, it can send the message that weight control is the most important aspect of health. For example, statements like “If you eat less, you’ll look so much better” or “You need to work out more to look great” can make fitness and nutrition seem like goals only for appearance, not overall health.
The Impact:
This can lead to a distorted view of health, where physical appearance is prioritised over internal health. It may also cause unhealthy behaviours such as restrictive eating or excessive exercising, which could eventually lead to eating disorders or anxiety around food and body image.
What Parents Can Do Differently:
Frame discussions about food and exercise around health, strength, and wellness rather than aesthetics. Encourage teens to view their bodies as valuable and capable of amazing things, rather than focusing on “improving” them for external validation. Teach the importance of balanced eating, regular movement, and mental well-being. Make sure to model a positive relationship with food and exercise by being mindful of how you speak about your own body and lifestyle choices.
Mistake 4: Over-Emphasising “Perfection”
What Happens:
Sometimes, parents set unrealistically high expectations regarding appearance, grooming, or physical achievement, such as pushing a teen to have a “perfect” body or flawless skin. Phrases like “You should be doing more to take care of your skin” or “Why don’t you make more of an effort?” suggest that imperfection is unacceptable.
The Impact:
This can create a fear of failure and a distorted belief that their worth is contingent upon achieving an idealised version of beauty. The pressure to be “perfect” can be overwhelming and may lead to body dissatisfaction, self-criticism or a desire to alter their body in unhealthy ways.
What Parents Can Do Differently:
Promote a healthy mindset around imperfection. Encourage your teen to embrace the idea that nobody is perfect, and that flaws are part of what makes them unique. Reinforce the idea that self-worth is based on inner qualities such as kindness, intelligence, and emotional maturity, not the external ideal. Teach them that beauty is subjective and that it’s okay to embrace their natural self.
Mistake 5: Ignoring the Impact of Media and Social Comparison
What Happens:
In today’s media-saturated world, teens are bombarded with images of “ideal” bodies, beauty standards and lifestyles. Parents might not recognise how deeply these images impact their child, or they might downplay the importance of media influence, thinking it’s just “something they’ll get over.”
The Impact:
Media exposure, especially social media, can lead teens to develop unrealistic body expectations. The constant stream of edited and curated images can distort how they see themselves and others. Teens may compare themselves to influencers, celebrities or peers and feel inadequate or dissatisfied with their own bodies.
What Parents Can Do Differently:
Have open and empathetic conversations about the impact of social media and media portrayals on body image. Encourage critical thinking about how images are often edited or filtered and help them understand the difference between reality and curated content. Promote positive social media habits, like following accounts that emphasise self-love, diversity and authenticity. Encourage your teen to take breaks from social media when needed and to be mindful of how certain content makes them feel.
Mistake 6: Not Modelling Positive Body Image
What Happens:
If parents express dissatisfaction with their own bodies—whether through frequent dieting, negative self-comments or excessive focus on weight—it teaches teens that being critical of one’s appearance is normal or acceptable.
The Impact:
Teens are keen observers of their parents’ behaviour and often internalise what they see. If a parent is constantly dissatisfied with their own body, the teen may learn to mirror this negative self-talk or begin to view their own body in similarly critical ways.
What Parents Can Do Differently:
Model a healthy, positive relationship with your own body. Focus on body appreciation, self-compassion, and the importance of mental well-being over appearance. Show your teen that it’s okay to have moments of self-doubt, but also teach them how to overcome those moments with kindness and self-care. By modelling these behaviours, you give your teen a framework for developing their own positive body image.
To meet with a professional psychologist or counsellor, call The Other Clinic at 8809 0659 or email us hello@theotherclinic.sg.