Online dating has revolutionised how we meet romantic partners. With apps offering vast pools of potential matches, one might expect that more options would make it easier to find a partner. However, a recent article noted a decline in dating app users over the past few years (The Guardian, 2024). What’s behind this shift?
The Paradox of Choice: Too Many Options, Too Little Satisfaction
Online dating platforms have brought about a significant shift in how people engage with romantic relationships. At first glance, this seems to offer endless possibilities. With such a vast array of options, one might assume that the odds of finding love would drastically improve. Yet, trends suggest otherwise. While we have more options than ever, people are increasingly remaining single.
At a cultural level, this can be attributed to a paradigm shift in gender roles and societal expectations (Bloomsbury, 2022). On top of that, the psychological processes behind online dating also appear to be a barrier in how people form connections. Despite the numbers advantage, having access to an overwhelming number of potential partners can make it difficult to make decisions. This is referred to as Choice Overload. As Barry Schwartz noted in The Paradox of Choice (2004), when faced with too many choices, individuals often feel less satisfied with their decisions, even if those choices initially seemed desirable. In the context of online dating, this dissatisfaction and regret can prevent users from forming meaningful connections.
The Rejection Mind-Set: A Key Consequence of Choice Overload
Research by Pronk and Denissen (2020) proposes that as users are exposed to more options, they become increasingly prone to rejecting potential partners. On average, the likelihood of accepting a match declines by 27% from the first profile viewed to the last. This phenomenon, known as the rejection mind-set, reflects a shift toward focusing on perceived flaws in potential matches rather than their positive qualities. The seemingly endless pool of potential matches fosters a sense of pessimism, leading individuals to doubt their ability to find someone suitable. In response, they adopt a defensive strategy of rejecting matches to minimise disappointment. This rejection mind-set not only amplifies feelings of dissatisfaction but also makes the online dating process feel increasingly futile. Interestingly, women experience a more significant decline in match likelihood as they view more profiles. This decline correlates with increased dissatisfaction and pessimism about finding a compatible partner. In contrast, men appear less susceptible to the rejection mind-set, though the effect is still present. Evolutionary psychology offers one explanation: Women, who historically faced higher reproductive investments, tend to be more selective in mate choices, which can amplify the dissatisfaction caused by choice overload. Women experiencing choice overload may struggle more with dating fatigue and reduced motivation to continue searching for a partner.
The rejection mind-set has diminished satisfaction with the online dating experience. Users become frustrated by the difficulty of making meaningful connections, which can lead to dating burnout and emotional exhaustion from constant swiping and rejecting. Especially for those seeking long-term relationships, the rejection mind-set can be particularly damaging. Ultimately, many users disengage from the process altogether, feeling that the odds of finding a suitable partner are slim.
To mitigate the challenges posed by choice overload, consider these strategies:
- Limit Exposure to New Profiles: Avoid endlessly scrolling through potential matches. Limiting the number of profiles viewed in one session can help prevent feelings of overwhelm.
- Focus on Connection Rather Than Perfection: Shift your mindset from seeking the “perfect” match to prioritising a meaningful connection. Remember, real relationships often require compromise and patience.
- Practice Mindfulness: Use mindfulness techniques to stay present and engaged in interactions, rather than worrying about missed opportunities or future matches.
Conclusion
While online dating platforms provide unprecedented access to potential partners, the overwhelming abundance of choices can lead to a rejection mind-set that hinders meaningful connections. By understanding the psychological mechanisms behind choice overload, users can adopt a more intentional approach to forming lasting relationships.
This also serves as a reminder that the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. Self-awareness, self-love, and acceptance are foundational to forming healthy connections with others. Rather than seeking validation through endless swipes or matches, focus on cultivating your own sense of worth and joy. True connection starts from within, and embracing this mindset can make all relationships—romantic or otherwise—more fulfilling.
To meet with a professional psychologist or counsellor, call The Other Clinic at 8809 0659 or email us hello@theotherclinic.sg.
References
Bloomsbury. (2022, November 30). Fighting back: Why women are rejecting marriage in China. Bloomsbury. https://www.bloomsbury.com/uk/discover/bloomsbury-academic/blog/featured/fighting-back-why-women-are-rejecting-marriage-in-china/#:~:text=In%202022%2C%20large%2Dscale%20surveys,to%20marriage%20than%20young%20men
Schwartz, B. (2004). The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less. HarperCollins.
The Guardian. (2024, December 8). It feels like admin: Why are people falling out of love with dating apps? The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/dec/08/it-feels-like-admin-why-are-people-falling-out-of-love-with-dating-apps
Pronk TM and Denissen JJ (2020) A rejection mind-set: choice overload in online dating. Social Psychological and Personality Science 11(3): 388–396.